so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
