I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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