Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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