I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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