I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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