She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
