You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
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Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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