I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
