Hey man sorry I got all grabby
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
