someone get that fucking seahorse.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
