what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
