my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
