he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
they need to just BURY HIM!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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