my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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