Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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