oh god the rape fog is back!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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