Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
