dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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