i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
