weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ketchup is God's man juice
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Come share oat with me in your robe
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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