Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
