Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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