I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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