That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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