Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
