id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i think i have herpe
just one?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
