He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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