Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
