I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
