i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
