i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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