he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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