did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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