Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
