So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Bring me that man meat
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
