I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
