Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
