the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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