Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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