She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Green mimosas i think yes
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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