I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
