he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
