ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
