Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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