life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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