Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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