tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
