my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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