Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
we should paint friendship bongs
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
