forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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