Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
