Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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