Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
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I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
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I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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