Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
