when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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