WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
