Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
