I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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