It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
