I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
