I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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