their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I met the friendliest cop last night
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
