so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
