I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
