I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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