I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
