Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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