you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
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When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize