i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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