just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
