Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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