I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
