you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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