she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
