Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
