She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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