Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
